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I’m sorry that I’m not ready.

I often hear that “there’s never a right time to have a baby.” Well, I disagree. I think there is a right time. But right now isn’t it. Our twenties have been drastically different. At 27, you met the love of your life, had your dream job and your own place. At 27, I was mourning the loss of my mother. I was working through a diagnosis of PTSD from a former flame. I was working a full-time job that I hated, feeling like the last bit of my soul that existed before my mother died finally flickered out. I feel like I’ve been struggling ever since.

I’ll be the first to admit, that sure, life is tremendously better. I have a job that’s quasi-related to what I always thought I’d be doing. We have a roof over our heads, money to travel, money to live comfortably, even if some weeks we eat ramen noodles by choice. You’ve helped me face my abusive relationship. You’ve helped me to forgive myself for my past and current self; you’ve helped me through the darkest, most tumultuous times. It’s because of that I know you’ll make an excellent father.

I’d like to have a growing baby bump that’s yours. One you can lay your hands on as we snuggle up together on the couch. One you bend down to talk to and joke with. One you love. One you kiss. One you’ll miss once the baby’s born and one you’ll want back when you tell me you want to try for another.

I see you with our friends — with their kids — and your smile brightens up the room. Fatherhood comes naturally to you, and I can’t say that about every man I’ve ever met. The way you pick me up with ease, with a love that’s completely unconditional, I know my daughter, my son, will be lucky to have you. I’m lucky to have you.

I’m lucky to have you right now, as you keep your dreams of fatherhood to yourself because you don’t want to add anything else onto my plate. My dad has cancer. And you know that it breaks my heart. With every pill, every MRI, every visit, you know that death is always my most dreaded outcome. I fear it and oftentimes that fear consumes me. Fear becomes a debilitating disease, kind of like the cancer itself. I’m always counting down to the day when everything in my life is going to change. The bad news is going to strike. It’s simply a matter of when.

I had always envision myself to be a mom. I tried to become one when I was 19, stupid and wanting one for all the wrong reasons. A decade later and you want one for all the right reasons. And that’s what scares me.

I know motherhood will come naturally to me, yet that’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid that, through birthing a beautiful baby that I hope looks just like you, I will forgo the projects I’ve always wanted to mother. What will happen to that book I always thought I’d write? What about my desire to travel, to uproot our lives and experience the beauty of a new city? Can I take the child away from their grandparents without feeling like I failed as a mother? I’m afraid motherhood will create a stagnant life, one full of unfulfilled dreams and scribbled what-ifs in my diary. I’m afraid I’ll lose myself.

I remember standing beside my mother’s casket, realizing that the legacy she left behind was me. It was her role as a mother. It was her kindness, her spirituality, her guidance. It was the flame she ignited in me. And it was the same one that burned out as they closed the lid. She died, and in an instant, I stopped feeling like myself. I stopped writing, stopped enjoying. I chose escape. Once that baby is inside of me, there’s no going back. There is no rewriting history. There is no do-over, only expansion.

I think about my best friend who got pregnant unexpectedly. Her life is exponentially better since becoming a mother. It’s a love she never even knew existed until the moment her son was placed in her arms. Yet, despite assuming I’ll have no regrets, I’m absolutely terrified to make the conscience choice to end my life for one that every experienced mother says “doesn’t truly begin until you become a mom.”

I’m nervous to end my life because I feel like the Judy Greer of my own movie. I’m not the star attraction of my own journey. I’m on the sidelines. I’m there as a foil to my own success and the catalyst to new beginnings. I feel like my life is someone else’s story. I feel like I’ve missed out on the life I thought I’d have. I look at a baby as further ruining it.

I went from wanting four to wanting one. I went from buying a car seat base on the last day Babies R’ Us was in business to suggesting that we sell it for an extra $15 bucks. I went from buying ovulation tests to asking you to wear a condom. I went from thinking I was ready for this to knowing that I needed to work on getting myself happy first.

I wish I knew when I’d be ready. While people say there’s never a right time to start a family, people can always recall the moment when they knew they wanted one. For you, it was the moment you saw my negative pregnancy test in October 2018. You were changed after that. A hungry beast somehow convincing yourself that the longer the stick stayed out on the tile floor, the better chance it had of turning positive. That was the moment I knew you wanted to become a father. That was the moment I knew our child, whoever they’d be, already had more love waiting for them they even we knew existed.

Maybe I’ll be ready six months from now. Maybe it’ll be when the nurse lays our best friend’s newborn baby in our arms at the hospital. Maybe it’ll be when we see his squishy face and ten squiggly toes. Maybe it’ll be on vacation. Maybe I’ll be four months pregnant when we visit them at the hospital. Maybe it’ll be when my father dies.

I wish that motherhood didn’t scare me. But I’m thankful that you’re there to make that fear seem rational. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/courtney-dercqu/2019/06/an-apology-to-my-husband-who-is-ready-for-a-family-even-though-im-not/

Giving you a second chance would mean giving you the chance to hurt me again. It would mean allowing you back into my cracked, bleeding heart. I’m not in the right place for a relationship right now — and it’s your fault. You’re the one who bruised me. You’re the one who made me realize time to myself is exactly what I need right now.

Giving you a second chance would mean placing myself back in the same exact situation and expecting different results. I’m not stupid enough to believe what happened between us has inspired you to make a change. You’re the same exact person right now as you were when you hurt me the first time. If I decide to walk back into your life, you aren’t going to treat me any better. You’re going to repeat your behavior. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I’m not about to make the same mistake a second time.

Giving you a second chance would mean disrespecting myself — and I have too much self-love for that to happen. I’ve raised my standards since the last time you’ve seen me. I’ve realized what true love really means, what genuine respect really entails. I’m not going to put myself through the pain of loving you. I care too much about myself to start caring about you again.

Giving you a second chance would mean forgiving you — and I’m not ready to forgive you. What you did was unacceptable. I’m not about to reassure you everything is okay when that isn’t the case. You haven’t even given me a proper apology yet. You haven’t realized the weight of what you put me through. It doesn’t seem right for you to get off consequence-free while I’m still suffering. It doesn’t seem fair.

Giving you a second chance would mean making an embarrassment of myself. My friends wouldn’t understand why someone as seemingly strong as me would take back someone as toxic as you. They would start looking at me differently. I would start looking at myself differently. I don’t want to be the girl who keeps going back to the boy who doesn’t deserve her. I want to set a good example. I want to remind others, and myself, to stay confident. I’m not going to settle for less than I deserve even if that means turning away love. After all, there’s better love out there.

Giving you a second chance would mean getting screwed over again. I would love to believe things are going to be different a second time around but that’s not realistic. I know what’s going to happen if you walk back into my world. You’re going to crush me as violently as the last time. You’re going to make me feel like a fool for trusting you. So I’m not going to trust you. I’m not going to give you a second chance.

If you’re upset about that, you probably shouldn’t have messed up the first time. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/06/giving-you-a-second-chance-means-giving-myself-another-broken-heart/

I’ve stopped caring about the way my actions make me look. I have a soft heart. I have strong morals. I’m not going to screw over anyone who doesn’t deserve it. I’m not going to walk out of someone’s world unless I have a good reason. I’m confident in my kindness — and that’s all that matters. I’ve stopped worrying about the way other people view my actions. If someone wants to call me a bitch for deleting someone toxic from my life or choosing to place myself first in a certain situation, they can go nuts. Their opinion doesn’t make a difference to me. I’m not living my life in order to please anybody around me. I’m only trying to please myself.

I’ve stopped caring about reaching random milestones. I don’t have a five year plan anymore. I only have a plan. It doesn’t matter when those goals are reached as long as I keep taking steps forward every single day. I already put enough pressure on myself. I’m not going to make myself even more miserable by trying to reach certain milestones by certain times when the universe is unpredictable. I can’t control when my forever person is going to walk into my world or when the hard work I’ve been putting into my career is finally going to pay off. I’m done worrying about things that aren’t up to me. I’m only worrying about the things within my power.

I’ve stopped caring about getting along with everyone. I’m never going to default to cruelness — but I’m not going to go out of my way to chase after people who clearly don’t care about me either. If they don’t want anything to do with me, that’s not my problem. That’s not an indication of my value. Some people click. Other people clash. When someone isn’t interested in being my friend or boyfriend or girlfriend, I’m not going to fight to change their mind. They can think what they think. It’s none of my business anyway.

I’ve stopped caring about spending every weekend making the most of my life. I’m not going to get lazy. I’m not going to lock myself inside constantly — but some weekends aren’t meant for adventures. Some weekends are meant for resting and recharging. I’m done feeling sorry for myself on the days when my schedule is blank. I’m going to enjoy those moments instead of trying to fill them with distractions. It’s okay if I don’t see my friends every two seconds. It’s okay to have time to myself.

I’ve wasted so many years caring about the way other people view me. I’ve drained so much energy trying to impress the rest of the world while neglecting my own needs. But I’m done with that now. I don’t need anyone else to approve of my choices. I don’t need anyone else to like me. I don’t need anyone else to give me validation because I already know my own value.

I feel so much better about myself since I’ve stopped caring. My stress levels are lower. My confidence is higher. Everything is better this way — so I’m not going back. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/06/i-feel-better-since-ive-stopped-caring/

Toxic relationships will make you think about dating differently. They will slowly transition you from a romantic to a skeptic. They will make you wonder whether true love exists, whether happily ever after exists, whether loyalty exists.

When you’re in a toxic relationship for too long, you’re going to get a warped view of love. You’re going to misunderstand what it means to be in a relationship. You’ll start to mistake jealousy and short tempers for passion. You’ll mistake little acts of love as the best you could possibly get.

The longer you spend in a bad situation, the more normal it feels. You get used to the arguments and the tension and the tiptoeing around. You might keep stories from your friends because, deep down, you know how horrible you’re being treated — but at the same time, what’s happening to you doesn’t seem like such a big deal.

A part of you assumes every relationship has the same problems. Most people just hide those problems. They don’t talk about it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. These are the lies you tell yourself. They help you feel less alone, less confused, less upset.

When you’re in a toxic relationship for too long, you wrongly believe your best move is to stay in the same place. You don’t see any point in leaving because you probably won’t find anyone better, you probably would be just as miserable single, you probably wouldn’t benefit from walking away. You keep coming up with excuses to stick around, even though your heart is dying to find a new home.

When you’re in a toxic relationship for too long, you change into a completely different person. You lose your naivety. You lose your innocence. You lose your faith in others. You become someone tough, skeptical, closed off.

You don’t want to let anyone else into your heart because you know what happened the last time and you don’t want a repeat in history. You don’t want to be stupid enough to trust again.

You stop thinking of first kisses and puppy love as romantic and start thinking of them as foolish. You feel bad for the new couples who don’t see pain coming. You assume it’s only a matter of time before they have their heart broken the same way yours has been broken.

When you’re in a toxic relationship for too long, it hardens your heart. It makes you stop wanting to be the nice person, the giving person, the person who puts others before themselves.

If you’re in a toxic relationship for too long, you might lose your faith in others. You might question whether any relationship is meant to endure years, decades, a lifetime. You might find yourself deciding the single life is easier, less risky, less painful.

Toxic relationships have the power to change everything about you — from your personality to your beliefs. They could turn you into someone you don’t recognize. They could turn you into someone you don’t even like. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/06/toxic-relationships-will-harden-your-heart/

Aries

Your DGAF attitude.

Taurus

Your unrelenting passion.

Gemini

Your magnetic charisma.

Cancer

Your inner warmth.

Leo

Your body confidence.

Virgo

Your sheer transparency.

Libra

Your true open-mindedness.

Scorpio

Your carefree spontaneity.

Sagittarius

Your adventuress nature.

Capricorn

Your unquestionable intelligence.

Aquarius

Your free spirit.

Pisces

Your soft heart. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2019/06/what-makes-each-zodiac-sign-attractive/

1. Go to the movies alone. Pick a film you want to see and get a ticket. Get popcorn if you want and sit and enjoy the movie. Another time go out to eat alone at a restaurant that you are interested in. Do things like this regularly. It helps you be comfortable with making decisions and taking charge and it helps you be comfortable in your own skin regardless of who is around and who is looking.

This forces you to make hard decisions (the movie, the restaurant, etc.) and stick with them. It forces you to be comfortable in public alone where you don’t have friends to take the focus of others around you. You are there alone and everyone sees you and if they don’t like it they can suck a nut.

2. Wear your best underwear to work. It sounds silly but a friend gave me this advice years ago when I was having a bit of a confidence crisis about my looks and my clothes. I wore my best matching knickers and bra set under my regular work clothes and I felt fucking amazing! It’s amazing how a good tit day can boost your confidence.

3. Stand up big and tall, but don’t make it look unnatural. Talk loud and clear to people. Let others and yourself know that you have strength and power.

I saw this video once where it said that people who make themselves bigger (literally bigger) before situations where they might seem under confident were able to be more confident if that makes sense. I saw it in a public speaking class one time. For example, before an interview or even before talking in front of a group of people, stretch yourself out, get big, don’t be hunched up in a ball. That would translate to you feeling less confident if you were sitting, bent over all nervous.

I don’t know if that helps, or if it’s what you were asking, but that seems to help me feel confident in a nerve-racking situation.

4. A good fashion sense. I’m a guy and I got a few girls that I’m friends with to help me with my style. It helps a lot. I feel much more comfortable and even some girls have been flirting with me more too. Good fashion ups your self confidence by a lot.

5. Keeping a clean room. I’ve heard the saying that a room is reflective of how cluttered your mind is. I find this to be true and coming home to a clean room makes me feel like my life just a little more on track.

6. Do things that scare you. Could be little, Could be big. Could be standing on a corner giving strangers a high-five or asking out that hottie at the bar.

When you take steps outside your comfort zone, you teach yourself you can handle a lot more than you thought. It makes it easier to face your fear and do things you want to do, which gives you confidence.

7. Cut out websites that you use frequently out of sheer boredom, but don’t actually make you happy. This applies to 80% of people on Twitter and 90% of people on Facebook.

8. One of the easiest ways to build confidence is to groom yourself and dress well. Learn to shave, learn to use makeup, get a haircut that looks good and learn to keep it looking good. Find some clothes that fit in colours that suit you. Watch some youtube videos on posture and make sure you stand up straight, shoulders square, feet apart.

9. Volunteering. I honestly can’t recommend volunteering enough! If anyone is able to and has the spare time, do it! It gets you out of the house, you meet a whole range of new people, you get to be involved in the community and make a difference and you can learn new skills.

10. Join a club for something you already know/like. Being surrounded by like minded people makes opening up so much easier. Once you get comfortable host/plan something for the club or take a roll in the club.

11. Meditation. If you take the time to look inside yourself and accept all of the things that happened/you dealt with makes it easier to be confident.

12. I like to set a lot of short-term and long-term goals. I write them down and then each time I achieve one, I cross it off of the list. I always feel like I am making progress and progress makes me feel confident in myself.

13. Be around positive people. You’ll be surprised how fast your opinion of yourself changes and how happy you are and how much you smile when the simplest change you make is being around someone who sees you for the good in you. Don’t be around people who demean you, belittle you, and talk down all of your accomplishments and efforts. Be around people who appreciate you for who you are and I promise you you’ll start to appreciate yourself soon enough.

14. It sounds dumb, but I tell myself “I love you” every night. It helps defeat the negative talk – and if I love me, others definitely can.

15. Wake up early and go for a walk every morning.

16. Studying. I have issues with self doubt, and studying or reading up on different subjects and taking the time to understand rather than skim has helped me a lot. Knowing the material has helped me so much school and life wise. Don’t half ass anything, really dig in and understand it. Then shoot further.

17. I wrote things I love about myself in dry erase marker on all my mirrors. (The color of my hair, my collar bones, my sense of humor, my loyalty, any thing about yourself that u like) I add too it in a different color any times someone compliments me on something. I don’t actively read them but I started noticing the good in my self. I’ve had friends over and they’ve also added to my list without me asking so every once in a while there will be a new thing and it honestly makes my week.

18. Stop watching porn. Seriously.

19. What’s helped me is working in retail. I used to work in a print center (one person in it per shift… ugh). It was the definition of being “thrown to the wolves.” Let’s just say I developed a thick skin.

Not saying you have to go through that, but it’s a good way to do it if you have the willpower.

20. Completing minor tasks such as doing the dishes, the laundry, cutting the lawn, etc. Little steps lead you to bigger strides. I’ve battled depression and anxiety for most of my life and I can tell you that this works.

21. A lot of great suggestions here but this one helped me a lot:

Write 3 positive things you did today. Can be something very small as in “I took the stairs instead of the elevator” or “Said Hi to my neighbor”. Do this at the end of every day. It’ll be difficult to come up with 3 things but that’s ok because you’ve always been focussing on the bad. Soon enough, it’ll get easier and you’ll start focussing more on the positive things about you instead of the negative.

22. Remove toxic people from your life. You can’t build up self-confidence if you are constantly being berated by a friend or significant other.

23. Try freestyle rapping! It’s hella fun even if you’re trash because it’s all a confidence game! To say shit that rhymes and even if it doesn’t to say it confidently enough and switch to your next line. It’s hella fun you learn new words and it makes it easier to talk to people and keep a flow if that’s something you’ve had problems with.

24. Smoking a bit of weed with a friend and having a good deep conversation also can really help. Nothing is as energizing as a good long talk with someone who respects and loves you as a friend. Beyond anything else THIS is the thing that always fixes me up.

25. Go to the gym or just some exercise in general pick up basketball or ultimate Frisbee is a blast, it’s social & it gets your blood going.

26. Forgiveness. Forgive yourself for all the shit that you done. Write down ale the stuff that you have done well. Stop focusing on the results but focus on the process . Be fucking kind to yourself. One you start believing that you are not an idiot your self confidence will soar.

27. If you’re 18-25, go and take some night classes at a community college, will put you situations to communicate without any pressure, i.e. being able to take that first step to talking to others is a huge self-confidence booster and can be a snow ball effect…was for me

28. Just lie to yourself, the human brain is a dumb malleable sponge that doesn’t know any fucking better, beat it into submission with lies until you forget they’re lies.

Seriously just stand up, go look in the mirror and say five positive things about yourself. Do it when you wake up and before you go to bed. Give it like two months, doesn’t matter if they were true to begin with you’ll end up believing it.

29. Do something you don’t normally do. Change the oil in the car, research and attempt to fix the washing machine problem, watch a video and paint a room or piece of furniture. The more you do something on your own the more confidence you start to have in yourself.

30. For me personally playing and learning an instrument works perfect. You learn something and if you are good at something you can record it to let others hear. It’s a great booster for me at least. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2019/06/30-beautiful-but-simple-ways-to-build-up-your-self-confidence/

Guess who’s back… back again? Shady’s back, so tell ya friends.

By “shady,” I mean the notorious Mercury retrograde we all wish would just… not. On July 7, 2019, Mercury will begin its retrograde in 4°28′ Leo. Mercury will switch retrograde course into Cancer on July 19, where it’ll station direct in 23°57′ Cancer on July 31. Mercury won’t reenter Leo until August 11.

Please take note of how important this retrograde is, as it’s taking place amidst a lot of eclipse energy. Usually retrogrades take their course in one sign for about 3 weeks, with all 3 retrogrades taking place within signs of the same element; however, this July we see this isn’t necessarily the case. Remember how last year the retrogrades took place in all fire signs? This year it’s taking place in water signs. Because we see this weird shift between Leo and Cancer, to say the least, there’s a lot of unfinished business we all have to tend to from last year’s cycles.

On August 21, 2017, we had a New Moon Total Solar Eclipse in 28°53′ Leo (The Great American Solar Eclipse) with the Full Moon Partial Eclipse in 18°42′ Leo on August 11, 2018. The fact we have this retrograde taking place in two signs—especially in the sign of and on the date of the previous nodal cycle in Leo/Aquarius—is just… suss. Irregular. A little more than an “uncanny coincidence.” A beautifully written metaphor from the universe, if you will.

Despite the nuisance any retrograde can bring, it still forces us to bring our attention to whatever we may have possibly neglected amidst our focus in how we show up in whatever we do. Overall, it won’t be tough but recharging because we’re dealing with familiar energy as opposed to huge shake-ups.

With the New Moon Solar Eclipse taking place in Cancer this month as well, many of us are shedding and regenerating our being. For us to really step into this new cycle, we’re being asked to reevaluate ourselves in terms of self-expression and what we’re passionate about—whether it be endeavors, people, etc.

The keynote for the retrograde is this: Not needing something actually attracts it to you. The past is where our self-sabotage takes its stronghold; however, we can’t neglect our pasts either, as they’re the reason we are who we are. This time is great for releasing and integrating what works for us through reflection. This is less about quietness and more about practicing mindfulness—which, yes, also requires action. I mostly advise people not to act much during a retrograde, but this go around it’ll be almost impossible not to with the super-charged energy circulating throughout July.

Below are detailed Mercury Retrograde in Leo/Cancer forecasts for each sign. It’s crucial you check your ascendant sign to understand specific timing of general themes. To generate your birth chart, click here.

Here’s how each sign will personally be impacted:

Aries (March 21—April 19): Heart is where the home is.

Pop, lock, and rock it this month, Aries. It’s time to move yourself from the home into the heart. This retrograde is taking place in your 5th house of creativity and self-expression alongside Mars camping out to inspire new action and/or insight. The Sun and Moon are also hanging out in your 4th house of home, personal security, and family. As things are picking up for you in your career sector, you may feel drawn to starting something new (yet again) pertaining to love, fun-loving activities, or anything you’re passionate about. Be wary of mistaking your impulsivity as inspiration. Your anxiety may feel heightened, as last month likely didn’t provide as much clarity as you had hoped for.

Tune into the vibrational energy of your heart to weave out any anxieties especially pertaining to health, a living situation, creative pursuits, and how any of these relate to what the heart wants. Show gratitude for the blessings you have by spending time with someone you love, whether it be a distant friend, lover, etc. Remember, we receive more through gratitude. You have to first prepare a grateful heart before receiving what it deserves, Aries. Not needing to see those results will actually bring them to you. Flow.

Taurus (April 20—May 20): Move into the groove.

What groove are you moving to this month, Taurus? Surely you’ve enjoyed some you time– whether it be through travel or social time– over the past couple months. As this retrograde is taking course in your 4th house of personal security, home, and family alongside Mars, you may feel rejuvenated to the point where you’re ready to take new endeavors head on. Many of you are likely ready to relocate to where you can kick off what you’re hoping for. If not this, then others may feel a rush of excitement to where you neglect your personal space– which includes everything from living environment, family, friends, personal health, etc.

With the Sun and Moon following behind in your 3rd house of communication, information, and education, you’re being asked to take it easy and deal with the communication aspects of the endeavor you’ve invested in. Ensure you thoroughly examine any leases, contracts, or anything that can potentially place limitations post-retrograde if, say, you choose to take an alternate route to your goals. Talk out your thought processes with close ones, as they may provide unexpected insight. Get excited and don’t stress because it won’t be hectic. Whatever you do, just don’t jump in headfirst, Taurus. Not needing to get out there right now will actually help you get out there sooner.

Gemini (May 21—June 20): Time to put business in the front and party in the back.

Hope you had an outrageous month full of celebrations for your birthday, my lovely Geminis! Alas, your season is over. Time to get back to the real world. This retrograde is taking course in your 3rd house of communication, information, and education alongside Mars. With the Sun and Moon following behind in your 2nd house of finances and materialism, you’ve likely changed course recently to where you’re trying to reestablish yourself. Whether it be a job, education, or even your personal presence, don’t let your anxiety take its stronghold on you as you may experience a bit uncomfortability, which for you isn’t normal. However, uncomfortability is your obstacle during this retrograde.

It’s advisable not to retreat or over-socialize but find a happy medium. Financial opportunities are bound to come your way soon simply if 1) you don’t feel a need to splurge your money on things you don’t need and 2) are open to new people who may connect you to what you’re looking for. You’re not trying to escape responsibilities but instead find a lighthearted way of flowing through them. Not needing to overthink everything actually brings clarity right to you, Gemini.

Cancer (June 21—July 22): The Universe is throwing you a surprise party. Show up and glow up.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my July Cancers and even my dear belated ones! I know this past June was likely full of trials and tribulations. You need not worry, however, because the weird juju is mostly passing. If anything, the Universe is here to throw y’all one huge birthday bash full of fun, love, and surprises. This retrograde is taking course in your 2nd house of finances and materialism alongside Mars. With the Sun and Moon following behind in your 1st house of appearance and self-identity, the solar eclipse in your sign is dishing you karma—good or bad.

For those who’ve stayed afloat, hopeful, and worked hard despite anything, you may receive (or have already) a new opportunity pertaining to work or finances. For others, however, you might just have to show up outside your comfort zone to reap the rewards. Likewise, all of you need to be wary of anyone trying to steal your thunder. Stay inspired and empowered. Shine light onto others, but nurture your light above all else. It’s perfectly okay to make this time about you and your needs. Not needing to serve everyone else will actually serve them the good you intend for, Cancer.

Leo (July 23—August 22): Become through unbecoming.

Can you feel the anticipation, Leo? Yes, big breakthroughs and energy bursts are soon going to take course for you. While this time is revitalizing and empowering for you, your is season right around the corner, and it’s almost show time. Note that I said almost, however. That’s right—this retrograde is taking course in your 1st house of appearance and self-identity alongside Mars supercharging all endeavors you’re involved in. With the Sun and Moon following behind in your 12th house of spiritual closure and transcendence, you’ll finally be making peace with an old part of yourself that you may have struggled releasing since the last eclipse cycle in your sign.

Don’t allow overthinking to trap your peace of mind. Spend this time pampering yourself. Get some rest. This may be hard, considering you’re quite excited—perhaps anxious—of the unknown pathways you’re about to start venturing onto. Please don’t recoil, however, as you’ll benefit from socializing, spending time with others, or releasing much needed energy into your own pursuits. Just don’t overdo it because you need to build up your energetic capacity for the show. Not holding onto an old part of yourself actually allows you to step into what is rightfully you, Leo.

Virgo (August 23—September 22): Exert your energy into excitement!

Why so serious, Virgo? Seriously, this is not a time you want to take yourself too seriously. This retrograde is taking course in your 12th house of spiritual closure, liberation, and transcendence alongside Mars. With the Sun and Moon in your 11th house of sociality, collectivity, and group activity, you may have a lot of opportunities and responsibilities running rampant during this retrograde. Mercury can always get you out of your mojo with the overthinking and over-assuming responsibility, but just don’t. You’ll miss a much needed opportunity for relaxation and fun that just might give you the inspiration (or other “perfect”opportunity) you’ve been looking for.

A lot of shifts have been and are continuing to take place with you. Many of you are moving, or trying to move, whereas others have been in search for better career opportunities or living environments (even locally). However, if it’s already shifting out for you, Virgo, then why exert more energy than necessary? Why waste the energy beating yourself up if you have no idea what will unfold in the coming months? Not needing to nitpick the details allows them to work themselves out, Virgo. Just trust it. It’s the Universe’s timing, not yours.

Libra (September 23—October 22): Put the “pro”in proactive—not procrastination.

Do you have something to share with us, dear Libra? You totally should, but you may feel heightened excitement during this time as your creativity has been on overdrive. Many of you are feeling rather empowered with any creative, artistic, or financial endeavor, especially with the Sun and Moon in your 10th house of career and destiny. This retrograde is taking course in your 11th house of sociality, collectivity, and group activity. A lot of 11th house energy even indicates being inclined to social media or the public; therefore, you may feel rushed to share a new passion with all this eclipse and retrograde energy going on.

However, it’s highly advisable to refine your creative projects, as these retrogrades can also put our attention to detail on overdrive—or, you can channel those tendencies to your benefit and simply be proactive. As you often possess mad talent, go ahead and plan to put yourself out there instead of throwing yourself (and something) together to prove yourself. Not needing to prove your worth to us reveals everything we need to know about you and your capabilities, Libra.

Scorpio (October 23—November 22): Don’t make your power into a paradox.

Remember how I keep telling Scorpios “transform your pain into power” with these outer planet retrogrades? Well, this retrograde is really going to put you to the test, Scorpio. You need not fear, but that’s exactly it… don’t fear. This retrograde is taking place in your 10th house of career and destiny alongside Mars. With the Sun and Moon following in your 9th house of establishments, spiritual/physical expansion, and institutions, expect either a new career opportunity or a chance to build on any endeavor you may have neglected.

Many of you have in recent weeks been revealed painful truths with your relationships, partnerships, or anything within your inner space taking a financial or emotional hit—if not both. Remember power comes from a place of legitimacy and a strong gravitational center within our core beings. You already hold it down for everyone and aren’t scared to use your depth to either create or destroy. Choose to create. Not needing to exert your power actually helps you reclaim it, dear Scorpio. Embody your empowerment, baby.

Sagittarius (November 23—December 21): Your mojo is magnetic.

Hopefully June was refreshing enough for you to see how blessed you are, Sagittarius. This retrograde is taking place in your 9th house of spiritual/physical expansion, establishments, and institutions alongside Mars. With the Sun and Moon following behind in your 8th house of creation, destruction, and transformation, you may have filtered out what does or doesn’t serve your growth anymore to where you’re just “glowing differently” again—or trying to, anyways.

During this time, you may feel more receptive to overwhelming amounts of information, as your intuition may feel heightened. You’re also in tune with your mojo, so don’t kill the bliss just by misconstruing what messages you receive this retrograde. Let the weird juju play itself out and you just might receive unexpected gains and opportunities in the near future. Put those thoughts into existence now. Go travel or do something in nature to raise your vibration—just plan your trip details accordingly. Not needing to make sense of everything helps it all make sense for you, Sagittarius.

Capricorn (December 23—January 19): Don’t power play yourself.

The only power struggle taking place is with yourself, Capricorn. I’m not here to sugarcoat, as South Node activity hits a bit harshly. This retrograde is taking course in your 8th house of creation, destruction, and transformation alongside Mars. With the Sun and Moon following behind in your 7th house of relationships and partnerships, many of you are clinging onto something emotional or anything to do with a long held belief or tradition.

Those who have held true to what’s right and been mindful of shedding self-limiting behavior are bound to reap some generosity from the universe with minor opportunities or much needed connections. In turn, this should empower your faith and allow for more patience. Those more complacent or exploitative in strife of perfection, however, may try over-asserting their legitimacy to where it actually backfires—whether it be scandals, legal trouble, pulling of partnerships or relationship endings. Both manifestations rely on how you internalize your experiences in either a healthy or toxic way. The lunar eclipse and retrograde isn’t asking this of you… it’s demanding it. It’ll go easy on you if you go easy on yourself and others.

Remember when the nodal cycle leaves your sign, that’s when you bear your fruits tenfold. You have exceptional consciousness when you let your Centaur fishtail carry you through tough waters instead of your ego. Not needing power over others actually attracts your sense of legitimacy, Capricorn.

Aquarius (January 20—February 18): Optimism feeds your star seeds.

Don’t you dare suppress that star in you, Aquarius. This retrograde is taking place in your 7th house of partnerships and relationships alongside Mars. With your Sun and Moon in your 6th house of self-improvement, health, and skill sets, you may feel a bit self-conscious with your health or in your role of any relationship—whether it be romantic, in the workplace, within a group, etc. Your efforts to grow yourself through creative self-expression or to step out of your comfort zone may have been overlooked by someone who matters to you. Or they didn’t bear the right results, which may feel stagnant.

Because this energy is so hectic for all of us, it’s advisable not to take any of these things personally. A lot of us are going through the motions ourselves. This is a time you may want to communicate to someone about how you feel… but don’t overdo it. Just gently approach them and if they’re receptive, it may be warm and helpful. If they aren’t, then go tend to your space and empower yourself with the activities that give you joy. Not needing to communicate how you feel can speak loudly for you, Aquarius.

Pisces (February 19—March 20): Empower your creativity into existence.

Are you Hermit the Frog, Pisces? No, so don’t be a recluse this month. This retrograde is taking place in your 6th house of health, self-improvement, and skill sets alongside Mars. With the Sun and Moon following behind in your 5th house of creativity and self-expression, you may feel timid about the results you’ve achieved in recent weeks with your personal growth and within your career. Despite the negative or positive manifestations possible (especially with Pisceans), the key takeaway for you is not getting stuck in your own head space and/or mental health issues.

A particular self-critical attitude may arise during this retrograde; therefore, you must be mindful of how you let your anxious thoughts drive out any manifestations cooking up. The key is to drive out the negative manifestations, my lovelies. Empower the positive ones into existence. You’re the creative powerhouse– go play with your creative talents or find an outlet that reminds you of how powerful and awesome you really are. Do something that makes you feel good or gives you pure joy. Not needing to tend to your personal space actually attracts what you need into it, Pisces. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/nikki-halsted/2019/06/heres-how-the-mercury-retrograde-in-july-will-affect-each-zodiac-sign/

Aries

When you’re quiet as a mouse and give no indication whether you’re enjoying yourself.

Taurus

When you refuse to kiss, look them in the eyes, or do anything even slightly romantic.

Gemini

When you lie flat without touching them, touching yourself, or contributing in any way.

Cancer

When you fall asleep immediately after it’s over instead of cuddling and pillow talking.

Leo

When you give them orders and expect them to listen to your commands.

Virgo

When you make way too much noise, even when they’ve barely touched you yet.

Libra

When you keep your shirt, socks, or shoes on instead of stripping down naked.

Scorpio

When your dirty talk gets a little too intense and verges on insulting.

Sagittarius

When you close your eyes the entire time or keep looking over their shoulder.

Capricorn

When you expect oral from them but don’t offer to return the favor.

Aquarius

When you skip foreplay and finish before they have a chance to get fully turned on.

Pisces

When you act too submissive and make them do all of the work. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2019/06/what-each-zodiac-sign-absolutely-hates-during-sex/

When your anxiety keeps you tethered to the house, you worry you’re missing out on something. You worry you’re wasting away your youth. You worry you’re slowly losing your friends, your family, and your sanity.

When your anxiety tethers you to your house, you tend to overthink. You have a lot of time alone, which means you have a lot of time for your thoughts to run wild. You start thinking of all of the things you should have accomplished, all of the ways you disappointed yourself, all of the things you should be doing instead of sitting there feeling sorry for yourself.

When your anxiety tethers you to the house, every single day becomes a repeat of the last. There isn’t much variety to your routine. In a way, that’s comforting. But at the same time, it’s excruciatingly boring. The days blend together. The weeks blend together. The months blend together. You never have anything more exciting to look forward to than a nice breakfast or cup of coffee. You know exactly what’s going to happen tomorrow because it’s the same as what’s happened yesterday.

When your anxiety tethers you to the house, you dwell on little things for much longer than you should. If you stumble over your words during a phone call with your hairdresser, you wont be able to stop thinking about it. It was one of your only social interactions that week, so it feels like a much bigger deal to you than to them. They’ll forget about your phone call in five minutes, but you’ll linger on it for hours.

When your anxiety keeps you tethered to the house, it creates distance between you and the people you consider your closest friends. You might think texting someone is a big deal — but your friends might not feel that close to you if you never see each other in person. They might expect more from you. They might feel like you don’t care about them when you turn down the chance to see them, when you stay cooped up in your house instead of meeting up with them.

When your anxiety keeps you tethered to the house, you become starved for social interaction. Even if you normally try your hardest to avoid group situations and crowded public places, you’ll want to be around people again. You’ll wish you had someone you could talk to, someone who could take away your loneliness.

When your anxiety tethers you to the house, social media becomes your main source of interaction — but it’s also painful to look at. It’s painful to see other people your age roaming the world, enjoying their life. It’s painful to know you shouldn’t be living the way you are right now. It’s painful to know you need to make a change sometime soon.

When your anxiety keeps you tethered to the house, you start feeling less and less comfortable there. Your house starts to feel confining. It starts to feel like a prison you want to escape but are scared to escape. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/06/what-happens-when-your-anxiety-tethers-you-to-the-house/

Aries

Telling little white lies, exaggerating in stories, causing drama.

Taurus

Wearing the same outfit every single day, skipping showers, neglecting to comb your beard.

Gemini

Fawning over celebrities, having female friends, talking about your exes too much.

Cancer

Changing plans at the last second, inviting along unwanted guests, making everything about you.

Leo

Talking back to them, teasing them, embarrassing them in front of friends.

Virgo

Correcting them, challenging them, making them feel stupid.

Libra

Going too long without texting them, spending too many weekends out of town, being overly independent.

Scorpio

Watching too much television, making too much of a mess, expecting to be mothered.

Sagittarius

Being too blunt, being too impulsive, not giving a fuck about anything or anyone.

Capricorn

Bragging about how you hate reading, watching trash television, speaking in slang.

Aquarius

Spending too much money, drinking too much, smoking too much.

Pisces

Acting antisocial, waking up at noon, regularly missing work. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2019/06/the-tiny-little-thing-that-will-make-each-zodiac-sign-break-up-with-you/

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